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Sunday,
24th December 2006
Merry Christmas, folks. I
can't imagine anyone is reading this on Christmas Eve but to those who
might be
- have a good one. See you on the other side.
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Wednesday,
20th December 2006
 I don't make New Year's
resolutions. I just don't. But this year I'm going to resolve myself to
take more photos because I've been so inexcusably lazy recently that I
fear I might forget how to use the camera. Or at least forget how much I
enjoy using the camera. I love it and I've let it slip too far and
sometimes I want to kick myself for letting that happen so this is my
proverbial kick up the arse. Sorted.
On to other
things...Christmas. I have to go into school this afternoon to make a
christingle with my Son. I should probably Google that before I leave because
I've no idea what it is.
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Tuesday,
5th December 2006
Oh wow - Google has really
surpassed itself this time. I'm already getting hits from people looking
for Myleen Klass "shower videos" and it's only been a week or so since I
wrote the previous entry. Sorry boys - try YouTube.
I have a STINKING cold so
I'll play catch up in a couple of days when I'm feeling a little less
sorry for myself.
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Thursday,
23rd November 2006
They're NOT Celebrities,
Get Them Out Of There please! Yes, I’m ashamedly hooked on the latest instalment of
I’m a Celebrity and
at the risk of alienating non-Brit visitors and almost everyone else
because I’m probably the only idiot watching it, here’s my synopsis of the
celebrities (and I use the term celebrities loosely)
David Gest :
Disappointingly normal. I had really high hopes for this guy and thought he
might spill the beans on Liza Minelli and tell us all sorts of even
weirder shit about his buddy Michael Jackson but so far nada. C’mon – I
know there’s some juicy gossip under there.
Scott Henshall: Who the
fuck is this guy? He designs clothes for rich people, apparently. He’s the
bitchiest little Princess in camp and I wish Phina had finished him off.
Phina Oruche : Often
forgets to maintain the fake American accent and reverts back to Liverpudlian when caught off guard. Her only redeeming feature is that she
physically attacked Scott and dislikes Jan Leeming even more than I do.
Jan Leeming : If ever a
woman deserved a big reality slap then it’s Jan. She’s convinced
the public keep voting for her to do the trials because they like
her. Perhaps the rest of the camp should cook her up for
dinner. It would solve the hunger problem and put the rest of us out of
our misery.
Jason Donovan : Hasn’t
theoretically done anything wrong but keeps declaring his admiration for
David Gest. David is a music producer, Jason a bygone musician.
Coincidental? I .don’t .think. so.
Lauren Booth: Likes rap
music. There’s nothing else I can say about her because I can’t get over
the fact that the Prime Minister’s Sister-in-law likes rap music. Her "Is
it coz I is white?" comment when someone asked how she knew all the words
to a rap song was kinda funny.
Matt Willis: I’d never
even heard of this guy before the show and although he hasn’t done
anything outstanding he’s got the absolute best "I’m gonna nut you" facial
expression that I’ve ever seen.
Myleen Klass : She’s
playing the game and I think she might win. Inoffensive, peacekeeper,
attractive. Not great entertainment but she’ll get the boy’s vote.
Melandra Burrows : Dull.
In a word.
Toby Anstis: Anyone who
wears a bandana and swears more than me is OK in my book. Liked his
impromptu jungle rap about chocolate cookies. I’d almost go so far as to
say I sort of like this guy. Maybe. A tiny bit.
Dean Gaffney : Will
obviously be remembered for his entrance trial where he screamed like a
banshee. Don’t like him. There’s just something about him that doesn't sit
right with me.
Faith brown : Another
nonentity really. Seems nice enough but nice enough doesn’t make for
compelling TV.
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Tuesday,
14th November 2006
Oh, alright then
Alice, since you asked so nicely;-)
Been a busy few weeks,
although if you pushed me for the details I wouldn’t be able to tell you.
It’s all a blur really; kids, laundry, life, that sort of thing. I think
as I get older I’m much more aware of how fast time passes and that just
scares the shit out of me, especially when I haven’t got anything
noteworthy to add to my curriculum vitae.
I coloured my hair again.
Chocolate Macaroon. I get the chocolate part but I’m assuming they
added the macaroon to make it sound more appealing because, having
researched macaroons extensively on the internet (yes, I really did), I’ve
discovered they come in every shade conceivable.
I also painted the
bathroom yellow. Well, half painted it actually. I started last week
and I keep popping back in there, assessing it in different light, painting a bit
more, then walking out without deciding whether I like it or not.
The whole bathroom will get painted before I finally decide that I don’t
like it because that’s how I work.
Well I’ve gotta scoot and
collect the little guy from school soon but I promise not to leave it so long
before I shower you with the minutiae of my ever-so-exciting life again.
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Tuesday,
24th October 2006
 Now, contrary to what you
might think I'm actually quite web savvy but
Bloglines really
has me stumped. I've managed to subscribe and add some sites that I like to the "My feeds" section but I cannot (and it's not because I haven't tried lemme tell ya) work out how to create an rss feed for my
own site so
people can click one of those funky little buttons that says "subscribe to
my rss feed" or something like that.
This all stems from one
person who left a comment on the photo site suggesting I make an rss feed
because all the cool kids are doing it and, well, obviously I'm not cool
because this one has gone waaaay over my head.
So if
you could offer any help that would be just dandy. Thanks.
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Wednesday,
18th October 2006
 Because I’m not above
admitting I was (cough!) wrong, I’d just like to briefly mention the
Harvest Festival. I had no idea The Little Guy was performing in it, I
thought he’d be watching with me from the sideline but he was there, at
the front, belting out songs and poems with his little classmates and it
was very sweet. I did notice that he got a little distracted midway
through "He’s got the whole world in his hands" and decided to quit
singing and play the I wonder if I can touch my nose with my tongue
game instead. I think he gets that from me (the distraction, not the
tongue thing) because quite often I’ll be doing something really important
where I need to totally focus and my brain just melts and I start thinking
about coffee and warm doughnuts or some other shit. Not a great trait I
must admit, but a little daydreaming never hurt anyone.
I’m waiting for the Comet
engineer to come and fix my DVD player. The time slot they gave was 8.00am
– 6.00pm but they told me the guy would phone first thing with a more
definite time so I didn't have to stay home for 10 hours. It’s now 11.00am and I haven’t heard a peep out of him.
Honestly, I've been waiting 5 weeks to get this thing fixed and I'm almost
beyond caring.
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Wednesday,
11th October 2006
 I’ve just had the proof
back for The Little Guy’s first school photo and it’s dreadful. Perhaps
the fact that I take a LOT of photos of him makes my critical eye even
more critical but blimey, you’d think they’d scrub him up a bit first! His collar
was wonky, his head tilted at some weird angle and, worse still, he had a
big orange smudge around his mouth from a carrot he’d just eaten. The poor
kid looked like he’d just been Tango’d. There’s no way I’m paying £8 for a
5x4 print of that. There’s all these little tick boxes on the
accompanying form to select size and quantity and nowhere is
there a little tick box that says "No thanks" because they’re so confident
that doting, dim-witted parents will buy their crap that they don’t even
give you the option to decline.
I really don’t like
formal portraits very much anyway. Infact, they give me the willies. They look like
dead people; static, lifeless. They have such wonderful props at their
disposal in school that I fail to see how they can produce something so
drab. If they’d created something like
this or
this
then I’d probably sell a kidney to finance it.
Copyright dictates that I'm not allowed
to show it here but I'm a featherweight and if you push me I might
buckle.
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Friday, 6th
October 2006
The
little guy is staying overnight at his Grandma’s, BF has gone out with his
buddies and I’m sitting here alone on a Friday night. Imagine the
possibilities people! I could hook up with the girls, google some porn, watch a chick
flick or…bake a cake. Yes, I baked a cake. I know how to have a good time.
So here I sit with a
glass of red wine and a slice of warm Cinnamon & Pear cake
(using pears from my pear tree, naturally) with half an eye on
some Galapagos Islands documentary on BBC2 and I’m strangely content in my
thirty something bubble devoid of men.
I need to kick them out
more often.
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Wednesday,
4th October 2006
I’ve inadvertently
committed myself to watching the Harvest festival at The Little Guy’s
school next week. The school itself is wonderful but their administration
is dire. I’m sure they get the early years kids to dictate the letters.
They send correspondence home most days and I have to read it several
times over before I understand it. Obviously I didn’t read this one
thoroughly enough and I have to go sit on a plastic chair for half an hour
watching a bunch of kids recite a poem about marrows. Anybody want my
life?
Autumn’s coming. I love
Autumn. I’ve scribbled all these places down that I want to visit and
stuck the list on my fridge. I can never do justice to Autumn with my
camera, I try and fail every year. I still need to overcome my fear of
tripods to get the kind of shots I know I could get if I had an ounce of
courage.
Maybe this year.
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Tuesday,
3rd October 2006
My router went pop.
Literally. This was 2 weeks after my DVD player went pop (still waiting
for a Comet engineer to come back with the required part – I guess it
would be too convenient if they actually carried the component on them to
repair it first time round?) So, I have several electrical items strewn across my
lounge floor requiring help and I can just about
tolerate not having a DVD player but no broadband? I’d forgotten how
fucking horrible dial-up was. I’d also forgotten how cold the Summerhouse was
since getting my laptop and I have to go outside and use my old dinosaur
of a PC and the monitor is really flaky and makes my photos look like
mush. Bleh!
</rant>.
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Monday,
25th September 2006
Remember the little guy’s
girlfriend, Annie? Well apparently her Mother has gotton wind of this
little romance and now insists on walking to the gates with me when we
collect the kids from school. I’ve tried the power walking trick but she
always catches me. She suggested that maybe we should "do lunch one day so
the kids can play". She dropped this into the conversation after going
into excessive detail about how the chiropodist scraped all the dead skin
off her feet that morning and how much better she felt for it. I may not
have many talents but changing the subject is something I do seamlessly
and I managed to hotfoot it out of there without committing myself to
anything. Lunch didn’t sound too appealing after that little confab
anyway.
Today was open day at the
school where they encourage you to sit alongside your child for the
morning to observe their behaviour and watch the teachers work their
magic. Only a handful of parents stayed so I shuffled out while nobody was
looking. As I sit here listening to the whir of the washing machine and
drinking my coffee I wonder if perhaps I got my priorities
wrong. Putting the laundry before my Son's education isn't going to endear me to the school board.
Yes, I’m a bit of a shit. But at least I admit it.
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Thursday,
21st September 2006
Did anyone notice that I
redesigned the photo site then a day later
redesigned it again? I’m a menace. I should really make a
test page, sleep on it and re-evaluate my handiwork in the morning sans the
red wine. That’s what a sensible person would do.
This company approached me
recently about buying one of my cloud photos to use for illustrations
about some research they’re doing on air traffic
management. They deposited some money into
my PayPal account a few days ago. It’s not enough to get my name
into the Daily Mail’s rich list but it might stretch to a chicken kebab
and a portion of chips on Friday night.
I think I need to be
surgically removed from that Snow patrol album. I seriously can’t stop
playing the damn thing.
Things I’ve done this
week:-
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Had my hair cut (Not
because I want to keep up with all those yummy mummies, I just want to be
able to see where I’m going when I ride my bike).
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Given numerous insulin injections to
Olly (who I'm certain hates me now).
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Bought a Cordyline palm
and a wind chime during one of my frequent jaunts to the garden Centre (I'm turning into an
old fart. I actually had lunch in there the other day. On my own)
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Removed about 300
crane flies from my house ( Why most of them only have 5 legs instead of
6 is a mystery. Perhaps the cats have been snacking on them)
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Duped people into reading
this drivel under the pretence that there might be something interesting
here. My apologies.
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Monday,
18th September 2006
 Now that
the little guy has started school I’m part of the The School
Run Clique. The school run is a major social event, the Mum’s turn up perfectly
groomed in their 4X4’s chatting to other cloned Mums about the cosmetic parties
they went to the night before. I hear all this as I woosh past them on my push bike
with my messy bed hair blowing in the wind. I‘m in and out of that school at warp
speed; I don’t stick around to chew the fat. I’m not sure that this is going to
make me very popular but since I don’t give a crap then so be it. I often wonder
if I’m missing a gene or something. I can be terribly anti-social at times.
The little guy on the
other hand is loving school. He’s made several friends and tells me that
he’s going to marry a little girl called Annie. He also says he wants to
marry me. I’ve told him several times that bigamy and marrying your
Mother is illegal but he’s insistent. I’m tempted to record him saying that on video
then play it back to him when he brings his first girlfriend round for
tea.
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Tuesday,
12th September 2006
I absolutely fucking LOVE Snow
Patrol's 'Eyes Open' CD. Just thought I'd let you know.
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